January 13, 2007

Time is

I've been busy gluing pieces of canvas and fabrics onto my new blank canvases for the past week. This morning I was able to put some paint on the canvases, It felt so good. There is so much to do to get ready to paint. It's always such a relief to start painting for real. But I love the anticipation, of what might happen.

I think I'm going to try arranging four 30” x 30” canvases together into a 60” square. The only problem I foresee is how to hang them while I am working on it. I'll have to put nails in the wall and hope the paintings don't fall down while I’m painting.

Without teaching, time feels so different. Bigger, broader, more air in a day. It feels good. More time to paint. More time to worry. (But I'm working on not worrying!) I’m finding time itself very satifying. Just time. Very real.

I went to see The Freedom Writers this afternoon. I’ve never cried that much in a movie—ever. I was choking on my tears, trying not to make noises. The friend I went with didn’t hear me, thought I was sitting there stone silent, unmoved. Just shows how well I can hide my feelings, really. The movie was so good, the story, the acting. Very inspiring. Makes me wish I was still teaching, having some effect on how people approach their lives, their work.

And give up my new time—not yet.

Posted by leya at January 13, 2007 07:22 PM