April 21, 2004

At home yet?

Reading what Tamar wrote about the apartment we lived in when she was young brought back many feelings and memories, some good, some I thought I had put away forever. But the past can not be put in a tidy box.

It was a beautiful apartment. I lived there for nine years, longer than I have lived anywhere since I left my parent’s home at 17. When I left that apartment, I left my marriage with it. I took two children, two cats, a fish tank and lots of furniture and art supplies with me. I never looked back, never regretted leaving. Perhaps I should have left all the furniture and started completely anew with only the children and pets.

I have moved frequently before and after that apartment. I don’t think I have felt “at home” anywhere. Always looking for home. I love my house here, the land, the neighborhood. It would be hard to leave it. My average rate of move throughout my adult life has been every three years (and that is factoring in the nine years in that beautiful apartment). So, having lived here almost eight years, I am making a record. Every place I lived, I made it “home”, nestling in like I would be there “forever”, frequently actually believing that I wasn’t going to move again.

People always ask me, don’t you just LOVE Montreal. When I was in Montreal in March, I went to a chocolatier with Aaron & Jessica. A MUST stop, along with cheese, to take back to Nova Scotia, to give friends a taste of what cheese and chocolate really is. When the lovely, energetic, crazy chocolate maker discovered I was from Nova Scotia, he, like most people, asked me if I loved Montreal. I said “no”. I don't "love" Halifax either. I enjoy Montreal. Sometimes it feels dirty and unfriendly along with its many offerings of culture and pleasure. I enjoy Halifax. It's growing yet still friendly. I enjoy going to other places. I love my house, I love where I live, the people around me. I love my life here. I love coming "home" after traveling. But the future is an open book and a place is just one of many.

Posted by leya at April 21, 2004 09:04 AM