August 25, 2005

so that's what that is

Finally (after how many years?) I now understand the medicinal value of alcohol.

I'm not one for drinking. I don't like the taste of most drinks and even the ones I do like, well, I guess I don't seek the buzz, in fact I often assiduously avoid that assault to the senses. Now that I think about it, it's probably related to my self-diagnosed sensory integration dysfunction. The world is uncertain enough, why destabilize it more? I hate that loss of control, that fuzzy mindedness. Always have.

However. This afternoon Toni called to check in, let me vent. Vent? About what? (And yes, I know moving is considered the number one stressor in modern life. Doesn't apply to me. We're ahead of the game here, you see. We're on top of all of it, packing and setting up utilities and planning a two week trip while Dan works long hours at his summer TV gig and I snatch time to do my freelance writing gig and Damian, well yes, he needs some attention doesn't he? No sweat. Really.)

Of course, once I started talking, I couldn't stop. I needed that outlet, needed her permission to let it all out. And yes, this feeling in my body, these twinges and twangs and tautness, of course that's what it is. Stress striating my muscles, thrumming in my bones. It feels unhealthy, uncomfortable and altogether unpleasant.

I had a glass of sherry tonight. I feel calmer than I have in days.

Posted by Tamar at August 25, 2005 10:46 PM | TrackBack