November 26, 2004

giving thanks

In the midst of so much that feels so off balance in the world, it's easy to lose sight of the immediate, the here and now, the goodnesses in life.

So on this day after the Grand and Great Turkey Day feast Tiny Coconut described perfectly, I want to give thanks, recognize and remember.

(Warning, much sappiness ahead. No apologies for said sap. Sometimes it's good to be goopy. This here is righteous sap.)

I am thankful that I have a good marriage. That's no small thing. It is, in fact, something of a miracle to me. My parents didn't. Most of my friends' parents, likewise. I thought this didn't exist or if it did, it was something other people did. But Dan is my best friend, my partner, my lover. It works. Not perfect (what is?) but pretty damned good.

I am thankful that I have a beautiful child with big brown eyes and a captivating giggle. Sure, sometimes I get pissed at his tantrums and general stubborn irritable six-year-old boyness, but after three and a half years of infertility, I can't ever take his existence for granted. (Excuse me while I go hug my boy.)

I am thankful, oh very thankful, that as soon as we admitted Damian had a problem, we stumbled into the answer in the form of a book (The Child with Special Needs) and a nurturing developmental therapeutic preschool as well as a gifted set of therapists. I am even more thankful that all this has been successful. I'm thankful for Damian at age six, who and how he is right now.

I am thankful that we own our house and that we bought while prices were insane but not Jim-Carrey-as-Count-Olaf-laughing-maniacally-and-wreaking-havoc insane. For all its neighbor-related flaws, it's a mighty fine house. It's been good to us. It might end up being even better if the equity provides a nest egg to allow us to move elsewhere.

I am thankful that I'm on page 403 of my first novel. That it will be complete within weeks (um, I think). That I've kept at it. That it may even (too soon to tell) be good. (I hope.)

I am thankful for friends, here and elsewhere, reachable by phone, email, IM, hugs. I'm thankful for my old buddies, the self-styled Gang of Four, still close friends, for internet-kindled friends who have over the years become in-person friends like Toni, Otto, Diane, Michele, and Tiny Coconut.

I am thankful for Tiny Coconut's presence in my life. Thankful for the impulse that led me to start a words-mainly mostly-daily blog complete with comments, the irritation that led her to write a comment in my entry about the grocery strike, the curiosity that led me to her blog, the realization that here was a very cool person, the friendship that has developed in the past year. I feel lucky. Besides which, she makes a mean turkey.

I am thankful that my mother is one of my closest friends. Thankful for her perceptive mind and big heart and great cooking and unwavering, honest support.

I am thankful for the twenty five pounds I lost last year, though not so much thankful for the thirteen I gained back. I will be very thankful for their retreat. Yup.

I am thankful that in this dark cloud of a political regime, people seem to be caring and talking about it a whole lot more than they have in years. I am thankful that I don't have to feel alone in this. I am thankful for the small seeds of hope I feel when I see that anger and that passion.

I am so thankful that the horror and sick fear I felt this spring and summer about Damian's kindergarten fate haven't materialized and instead he's in a nurturing place with a warm teacher and is HAPPY there (though we have to work on the making-friends-at-school thing a bit more).

I am thankful that Cocoa found us and demanded to be brought home a year and a half ago. Sometimes an animal is just an animal. Other times an animal changes a household in ways both mysterious and obvious. My long tailed black kitty of the shiny soft fur and the round yellow eyes and the cricket obsession is one of the latter. Oh, I'm thankful for Dante the catbear too, but he's more the "Hi, Cat" and "Please stop licking my hair now, cat" kind of guy.

I'm surprisingly thankful for Damian's drum set. For a child to have a gift, to discover that talent early, to have the injection of self-esteem, not to mention the pure pleasure of music, these are blessings. Besides, he rocks.

I'm thankful for this blog for a host of reasons. I'm thankful for my readers, the ones who write and the ones who simply read but keep coming back. I like that. I like you.

I'm thankful too for my family's continued health (not something to take for granted!). And for TiVO (also not something to take for granted). And for my sleek new aluminum PowerBook (ooh yeah) and my lovely new Digital Rebel camera and my slim white iPod. And for central air this summer and forced heat this winter, simple pleasures but not so insignificant. And for other material possessions, most especially our it-is-too-sexy! Sienna minivan. But mostly for the intangibles. Health, contentment, love and friendship and mental energy to do (some of) the things I love.

I've spent a lot of time in the past envying what other people have. But sometimes that feels, well, dumb. It's far easier on the soul to look at what you do have. The rest? It can come. Or not. I don't need a Jaguar. I don't need a mansion. I just need a little more time and a little more connectedness and maybe a few more dollars. But I really do have a lot to give thanks for.

And I do.

(Told you. Sappy. That a problem? Deal with it.)

Posted by Tamar at November 26, 2004 09:54 PM

Awwwwww, that is so freaking cute!

Posted by: Jessie at November 28, 2004 01:25 PM