October 26, 2004

suspended -- or not

Life seems surreal right now, I don't know how to write here. I'm considering taking a break but I can't help wondering if I'd come back and I'm not ready to stop, so there you are. I don't know, I just don't.

It's hard having Damian in kindergarten. The half day is hard on me and the fact that he's out of the shelter of the therapeutic environment is tension-producing, to say the least. It's hard too that the sitter I thought I had seems incapable of nailing down a decision from her other boss about the hours (or is she giving me the run-around? I can't tell) and therefore I'm leaving another extremely nice prospective sitter hanging. Not so cool. I'm in mid-end draft of my novel but with so little time to write these past months, I tend to forget where I left off.

I feel like Iím not a committed enough anything right now: mother, writer, friend. I may need a break from the blog. But maybe not. I don't know anything, not really. And that's the hardest part. Limbo isn't fun.

Posted by Tamar at October 26, 2004 10:13 PM

Take back some control, girl, of you're going to stress yourself out. If it were me, I'd start with the run-around babysitter, as in "I need a decision TODAY, or I move on. Thanks."

Then, stop beating yourself up about the novel. There is no deadline, except for those you've set for yourself, and those deadlines can bend.

And blogging? Should only be done at those times and on those days when it suits you, fills a need. Why does it have to be on or off? How about just 'there'? Again, no one says you have to do this every day, or even every other day or even once a week. Trust me. If there were rules about blogging, I'd have been fired a long time ago!

Cut yourself some slack, honey. You're way too hard on yourself. You do so much, and you have so much, and you're good at so many things. Stop looking at perceived failings, and celebrate all that you've accomplished.

Posted by: Tiny Coconut at October 27, 2004 09:58 AM

Well, do what you need to do. You know what will work the best for you. Because look at you! You are awesome! But this is just to let you know that you are always going to be in my bookmarks, so if you take a break from here, I'll still be around when you come back. Yeah, and Tiny Coconut will be in my bookmarks as well! Hee.

Posted by: Beetilda at October 27, 2004 06:13 PM

Thanks, guys! See my post tonight. You had an effect.

Posted by: Tamar at October 27, 2004 10:32 PM

Kindergarten is a very tough year. The child is gone every day, but not quite long enough to commit to a time consuming task, especially if you are doing the transporting.Here in MA it is less than 3 hours from the time they walk out the door until school is out. It is only a year though. It is kind of a year when you have to stop expecting so much from yourself, because you don't have much control over your life and it is easy to get frustrated. It's hard to do, but let stuff go this year, and know in the fall you can really commit better.

Posted by: rose at October 28, 2004 09:30 AM