June 09, 2004

writing again

ďYouíre in a good mood.Ē


ďIs it because you wrote today?Ē


Itís been three months (more?) since I wrote on my novel. Oh, I havenít abandoned writing altogether: I wrote a short story, worked on a large nonfiction project and a small one and reread and tweaked my novel, to boot. But none of it is the same as writing forward on an extended dream of a scenario. I need that. Iím not complete without it.

I know a lot of people in the arts who feel the same way. They need that part of their brain engaged, working on something, creating. Is it like that for other people too? For lawyers and doctors and scientists and accountants and bookstore owners and other people who work at something they may care about deeply but that arenít considered creative in the same way. If that's you, do you lust for your work when youíre not doing it? Do you dream about it at night, think about it in the shower, does part of your brain wake up when youíre finally doing it again? Does it feel then like youíve been half asleep for the past few months? Or, if not, do you have something else that makes you feel this way? I find myself wondering if this state is a peculiarity of the artistic temperament or if itís more universal.

The one thing I do know: Iím happy to be back writing again. Even if half of what I wrote today was crap. Thatís what the delete key is for. The act of writing, that made me happy. And a few good sentences, fresh turns of phrase, poignant moments, unexpected emotions. Thatís why I write. To experience the story unfolding within and without me. To move forward even when itís two steps forward, one step back. The way the thoughts transmute into what comes out of my fingertips. The intangible made tangible. Iím not complete without it.

Posted by Tamar at June 9, 2004 10:39 PM

If I would get cranky when you were young, you would tell me to ďgo paint!Ē So you understood the need from an early age!

Posted by: Leya at June 10, 2004 04:59 AM