June 05, 2004


Imagine a rag doll. No bones, not a whole lot of willpower. Lies around flopped over the arms of chairs and across pillows in indolence and complete lack of musculature. Thatís a good description of me today. No willpower to do much of anything. I think I did dishes at one point but that was pretty much it. A few discussions with Damian, half a game of kid Monopoly, lots of lolling. Reading Miss Wonderful, by Loretta Chase, a fun but hardly taxing read. Would have eaten bon-bons if I knew what they were. Ordered in Chinese food for dinner. Curled up on the couch with Dan and Damian for the evening while they watched Alice in Wonderland and I mostly read more of my book.

I think thereís a point when your brain needs to shut off. Youíve been so focused, so intent, so concerned and then at a certain point, you just canít. If you were a machine, youíd ask someone to hit the off switch. If you were an electric car, youíd need to be plugged in. No juice left.

Iím sure itís caused by a release of stress. The journey isnít over, but things are looking much better. It does feel in some ways like the struggle of this school stuff is over and even if thatís illusory, I feel myself relaxing. Dan thinks itís a chemical response. If you drink coffee every morning and then stop suddenly, you have caffeine withdrawal, right? Well, my bodyís had a cocktail of stress chemicals racing around in there every day for the past few weeks. I feel better now. And Iím in withdrawal. Whereíd the adrenaline go? The cortisol? The epinephrine? What the hell are these endorphins doing here? Why do I feel so different? Time to take a napÖ

Posted by Tamar at June 5, 2004 10:23 PM