Imagine a rag doll. No bones, not a whole lot of willpower. Lies around flopped over the arms of chairs and across pillows in indolence and complete lack of musculature. That’s a good description of me today. No willpower to do much of anything. I think I did dishes at one point but that was pretty much it. A few discussions with Damian, half a game of kid Monopoly, lots of lolling. Reading Miss Wonderful, by Loretta Chase, a fun but hardly taxing read. Would have eaten bon-bons if I knew what they were. Ordered in Chinese food for dinner. Curled up on the couch with Dan and Damian for the evening while they watched Alice in Wonderland and I mostly read more of my book.
I think there’s a point when your brain needs to shut off. You’ve been so focused, so intent, so concerned and then at a certain point, you just can’t. If you were a machine, you’d ask someone to hit the off switch. If you were an electric car, you’d need to be plugged in. No juice left.
I’m sure it’s caused by a release of stress. The journey isn’t over, but things are looking much better. It does feel in some ways like the struggle of this school stuff is over and even if that’s illusory, I feel myself relaxing. Dan thinks it’s a chemical response. If you drink coffee every morning and then stop suddenly, you have caffeine withdrawal, right? Well, my body’s had a cocktail of stress chemicals racing around in there every day for the past few weeks. I feel better now. And I’m in withdrawal. Where’d the adrenaline go? The cortisol? The epinephrine? What the hell are these endorphins doing here? Why do I feel so different? Time to take a nap…
Posted by Tamar at June 5, 2004 10:23 PM